Ugh

Christmas has been, for the last few years, kind of bittersweet for me, as far as family goes. I love spending time with my family. It's my favorite part of Christmas. I could totally do without the gifts, on account of the stress they bring. I would be completely satisfied with a Christmas with family sans gifts. Totally.

This is where the tiny bit of heartache comes into play. My sisters are both attached to men they love. This means that they have had to split Christmases between our family and the guys' families. This makes me say, "Booooo!" I want my family all to myself. Also, it had this wonderful (and this is the worst part) knack for making me so utterly and uncomfortably aware of my singleness that, well, let's just say that'd suck a lot of the joy of Christmas out as well. I wished that when they left to spend time with the other family that I had somewhere to go since they were leaving me. But, alas, I had no other place to go. So mini-pity parties (okay, let's be honest - they were far from mini) would inevitably ensue.

So this year is the year that God decided to bless me with my own love. I'm ecstatic, to say the least. But I was not prepared for the holiday grief this blessing held. Last Christmas, I would have assumed my holidays woes would be gone. Now I'm one of those that has to split holidays up between families. So here it is, Christmas Eve, and I just keep thinking about how I'm not happy with how the split is happening tonight. It just doesn't feel even. But I can't tell if I'm being reasonable or just emotional. Christina tells me, no, bring on the water works (I want to talk to him but I think I'd just cry and then I would feel manipulative because of the tears).

Oh, well. I need to stop thinking about it so much. Quit examining whether things are fair. Just enjoy that I have someone to love and someone that takes my breath away with his love for me.

So, God, could you help me stop being so over analytical and start just enjoying this holiday?