Dogs

Deep thought from Miss Ro:
Ice cream just fills in the cracks in your stomach - it fits even when stuffed.

Deeper thought from Miss Ro:
Dogs are like ice cream - their love fills in the cracks of all the other love in your life.

I'm a nerd, but this analogy came to my mind today and it was good for my soul, in a way. See, I love my dog, Bella. I love her so much. I know that non-dog-lovers, along with some so-called "dog-lovers" probably don't get this part of me, but, nonetheless, that's how I feel. And it tears me up, thinking of the possibility of her not being in heaven. But when I thought of this analogy today, coupled with the knowledge that God's love will leave no "cracks" when I'm in heaven, I realized that I'll be okay without my dog. (Disclaimer: God's love leaves no cracks right now, I'm just too imperfect to feel it as completely as I will be able to later.)

I'm a nerd, so just ignore my blabberings in this blog.

Blessings

I know it's not Thanksgiving, which merits thankfulness, but God's blessing of sending His Son to us makes me think of all of the ways He has blessed me. And you know, "Count your blessings, name them one by one," and all that jazz. So let me count.

1. God sending his Son so that we could be justified
2. My entire family
3. Time spent with my family
4. My loving dog
5. My amazing boyfriend
6. A job I love
7. All of my needs are provided for, along with many of my wants
8. Lots of great friends and some amazing best friends
9. And on
10. And on
11. And on

I'm incredibly blessed.

Ah, me!

So maybe I was overthinking yesterday about stuff. I'm a nerd. This is what I do, so get used to it, all you followers.

Ugh

Christmas has been, for the last few years, kind of bittersweet for me, as far as family goes. I love spending time with my family. It's my favorite part of Christmas. I could totally do without the gifts, on account of the stress they bring. I would be completely satisfied with a Christmas with family sans gifts. Totally.

This is where the tiny bit of heartache comes into play. My sisters are both attached to men they love. This means that they have had to split Christmases between our family and the guys' families. This makes me say, "Booooo!" I want my family all to myself. Also, it had this wonderful (and this is the worst part) knack for making me so utterly and uncomfortably aware of my singleness that, well, let's just say that'd suck a lot of the joy of Christmas out as well. I wished that when they left to spend time with the other family that I had somewhere to go since they were leaving me. But, alas, I had no other place to go. So mini-pity parties (okay, let's be honest - they were far from mini) would inevitably ensue.

So this year is the year that God decided to bless me with my own love. I'm ecstatic, to say the least. But I was not prepared for the holiday grief this blessing held. Last Christmas, I would have assumed my holidays woes would be gone. Now I'm one of those that has to split holidays up between families. So here it is, Christmas Eve, and I just keep thinking about how I'm not happy with how the split is happening tonight. It just doesn't feel even. But I can't tell if I'm being reasonable or just emotional. Christina tells me, no, bring on the water works (I want to talk to him but I think I'd just cry and then I would feel manipulative because of the tears).

Oh, well. I need to stop thinking about it so much. Quit examining whether things are fair. Just enjoy that I have someone to love and someone that takes my breath away with his love for me.

So, God, could you help me stop being so over analytical and start just enjoying this holiday?

He knows the plans He has for me

Life is crazy. Sometimes I am just blown away by the twists and turns life has. I am a mathematical person, so I naively expect life to be like math: formulaic, methodical, predictable. But that's not how life works, although it feels like it while you're growing up, in the same order as everyone else - kindergarten, first grade, second grade, drive at 16, graduate at 18, go to college, graduate college. Life is pretty much a set of milestones that we all hit at the same time. That is, until we graduate college. Then, for people like me, it feels as if we've entered into the abyss of unpredictability. The unforeseen. Drives me freaking nuts, sometimes.

This last year and a half has been a perfect example of this unpredictability. Last summer I began to prepare to move in with my sister, Christina. She bought a house in a cute downtown area and our littlest sister, Becca, was going to live with us as well. So come September I start helping her paint her "new" house and soon I have the slowest movers this side of China move me to my new location. This period of my life is a little blurry because it got fast and furious (literally) real quick-like. I remember Bella, my beautiful dog, being ecstatic to be with Christina's dog, Scout (also Bella's sister). Then there was fighting. Ah, sisterly love. Oh, the fighting. You'd think a 26-year-old woman could be civil with her sisters, but hormones and rage get in the way. It didn't really matter, though, because not long after moving in (like a month or a bit more) Christina got engaged, found out she was going to have a baby and began planning a January wedding. So naturally, I was going to have to move out. So, as I dealt with a pregnant, hormonal, constantly vomiting sister, I planned my next move, so soon after my September move. I just love moving. Especially when you get to do it like, I don't know, four months after just having moved. It's freaking great.

Then in November I had a couple of trips planned, both for work. The second trip ended in the absolute worst way possible. I had come with 3 girls from work and on the last day of workshops was called out because there had been a family emergency. Sara, one of the girls who I had come with, had just found out her little girl had died. Totally unexpected and tragic. Blew me away. I'm still messed up from the whole event. It made me more afraid of losing my loved ones and kind of afraid of having more loved ones to lose.

The next couple of weeks blew by. Birthdays, Christmas, time with loved ones, time watching Christina's belly expand. In January I moved in with my parents so that I could save up for the next move. (Good news, though: my movers were way faster this time.) Christina and Brandon got married.

That part of all these twists and turns rocked my world. Stuff seemed to, well, not slow down, but not be so hard to survive after that.

That spring I house-hunted like a maniac. Finally, I ended up deciding to move to Independence, my hometown, because I loved the location.

Finally, life actually started taking on more of a steady rhythm after that decision was made. I prepared to move, got closer to some friends and stayed pretty busy socially and otherwise.

The cutest nephew in the world was born in June. It's nuts that such crazy events can lead up to such an amazing miracle of life.

I moved in in August. Completely unexpectedly, a high school friend of mine, Clint, started wanting to hang out again after I moved in. He wanted to go on walks with Bella and me. It was really nice to have him to walk with and about that time, I started wondering what exactly he was thinking. In October he asked me whether I had thought of being more than friends. We decided to go on a date (after he assuaged my fears of risking a friendship that I valued). And the day after that we hung out. And the day after that. And the day after that. And the day after that. And I want all of my days to continue in the same fashion. I had no idea God had this in mind for me when I met this funny little brother of a friend of mine 9 years ago.

So,with all of these events, one would thinking I would let go of my expectations of a mathematical life. Who knows? Maybe I'll get used to it someday.